A little bit of history....
My name is Kara. I am the stay at home mom of two hysterical, witty, smart, whiny, obnoxious, crazy... I'm getting off track here. My wonderful husband Jeff (aka Loopy) is a severe workaholic and has been with the same company for 17 years. And he is only 34. That is crazy to me. He is also an extremely talented musician and super hubby extraordinaire. We've been married 10yrs. BUT this blog isn't about us, its about our kids and the funny stuff they say.
My kids are awesome. They make me laugh every day with crazy antics. Logan is 5. He will be 6 in 2 days. More on that later.
First I'll tell you about Logan. He started talking (sign language) at a crazy young age and his little brain fascinates me. His best friend is a stuffed elephant named "Elephant". He goes everywhere with us. Logan is the sweetest most polite child you will ever meet unless he is hungry. Then he's an ass. He's an avid reader and loves everything to do with outer space. He remembers EVERYTHING, much like his friend Elephant. I have written down the things he says that crack me up since he was around 4. The list has gotten quite long and I've been told to write a book. Who does that anymore? So I will blog it out. Usually he is being quite serious when he says something quotable. There are so many Logan-isms and I am certain there will be just as many Kendal-isms.
Kendal is 3. She has red hair and all the assumed personality traits of a 3yr old red head. She enjoys jumping off tall things onto hard things. There is no fear in this child. Around the age of 2 she stopped eating like a normal human. I often wonder how she truly survives on milk,meat, and cereal. Seriously, she WONT eat fruits and veggies of any kind. Thank God for vitamins and high fiber cereal. Before you get preachy about how "I'm the grown up here" I will ask if you have personally had this specific problem. It is physically impossible to make a 2 or 3 yr old try new food. Her favorite toy is also an elephant, but in true Kendal form it is a hard leather elephant meant to be home decor. It has very sharp tusks. They hurt.
I'll go back to when I started to write it all down and add pictures where necessary once my wonderful hubby puts them back on the my hard drive (wipe and restore) I hope you are as amused as I am. If not, you'll find a blog you like better so my feelings wont really be hurt at all. (you should also know I am not easily offended and don't care too much what people think)
I started keeping a log when this happened on April 26, 2010. This was a rant I typed on my FB page:Monday Logan was pretending to talk on the phone and was screaming things like "I hate you, shut up, don't talk to me, just leave me alone" My parents were in town this week and witnessed this. Of course they were not happy and the assumption is that he learned it from me. I got the whole "well he will repeat everything you say, even when you think he isn't listening" speech.
For the record, I HATE very few people in life. I certainly wouldn't be on the phone screaming at them like that. I was pretty taken aback by his outburst too. He is normally a very sweet boy. As compassionate as you can expect from a 3yr old. Turns out he was reciting a commercial for out of control and disrespectful teens. The commercial is on during his favorite Science Channel shows (How Its Made and Factory Made)
In short, my son learned how to say terrible and disrespectful things watching an ad for correcting terrible behavior. I should write a letter to the dumbass behind this ad. Especially if part of their system is eliminating vulgar and violent television. So Thank you James Lehman, Behavioral Therapist. I appreciate your Epic Commercial Fail. Now my son thinks its ok to tell people he hates them and yell it in their face. He is 3 and doesn't understand its just a commercial for naughty kids.
Here's a link for you! Epic Commercial Fail
This was taken from May 9, 2010
Last night I went to Target with a friend. When I got home Logan and Daddy had been writing songs and brainstorming song titles.There were little post it notes everywhere with the names of songs. This is what they came up with.
Conversations With Friendly Hair
Leather Can Sometimes Look Black
Waking Up Big
About the Topic of Bowls
Wearing Socks That Are Too Tight
Cross the Street Quickly
Standing on the Shoulders of Giants
Big As the Moon
Can You See the Clock Ticking
Maybe the Travel Pillow Can Play Guitar
We All Live in a Yellow Submarine
I am pretty sure that last one was taken, but will probably be a remake.
Before I go on...
I should tell you that when something funny or weird happens around here I put it as a status update on Facebook. (like pretty much everyone with internet) We have friends and family all over the country so this is a way for them to keep up and for me to keep track of the days.These next few tidbits are from status updates over the last couple years. Some are quote from kids and some are just the observations of the mom.
March 3, 2010, on insomnia
Logan was up at 4am because the dragon wouldn't leave him alone. Even when the knight "fwapped him with his fwapper"... so he had to walk thru "the scary liver-ing room" (living room) to get us and let me know
March 11, 2010, serious problems
This morning Logan went to go pee and kept saying "how did the frog get in the potty?" it took a few times to register (lack of coffee) but sure enough, there was a big ol tree frog in the potty. He said "the most important question is how do we get the frog OUT of the potty? I already peed on it"
July 17, 2010, A typical morning.
Just sat down to enjoy a cup of coffee and breakfast with Kendal while the boys sleep in. She shoved her Eggo in her mouth and left me here.
July 20, 2010, a warning
If you give a 4yr old Flavor Explosion Mac and Cheese he will get it EVERYWHERE and blame it on "the dang exploding noodles"
July 23, 2010, a revelation
I am pretty sure that kids are made of crumbs. The more intense the emotions, the more crumbs mysteriously
are shed from their bodies. They also seem to have some sort of sticky dispensers on them.
July 30 2010, the definition of siblings
Kendal is terrified of Logan's whoopee cushion and he says that makes is so much more fun. Seriously, she runs screaming from the room and climbs me like a frightened kitten
August 4, 2010, on self control
Logan just got in trouble hitting me in the face when I told him to settle down (needed food) Once he was out of 'time out' he apologized and said his temper got away from him and he didn't see that coming.
August 16, 2010, on self image
Logan just got a hair cut at a real place without freaking out. He must be growing up or something. His goal was to "look cool and get spikey hair". When another kid at the grocery store said "Mom, that kid looks SO cool!!" Logan about fell over with giddyness.
|Mr. Cool himself|
March 17, 2010
If your 3yr old seems to be taking a long time in the bathroom its a good idea to check on them. Logan decided to Shampoo his hair while pooping. This is how middle of the day baths happen. It coulda been worse I guess.
August 23, 2010, more commercialism
Logan: Tomorrow is my big baseball game
Me: Really, I didn't know you play baseball.
Logan: Yeah, so we should get some Oxy-clean just in case my clothes get stained.
August 23, 2010, first day of preschool
Logan: I want to be a teacher when I am a grown up.
Logan: Because I know everything
Oct 10, 2010, why we need dads
Logan watching daddy play a video game: Look at those boobies!! aren't they awesome?!
Daddy: dont you mean buoys? Those things floating in the water?
Logan: oh yea, those.
Oct 13, 2010, The Bealtes!
So Loopy and Logan were playing guitars and singing Help from the Beatles (their favorite band) Kendal was crying because she wanted a guitar too. She threw herself on the floor and Logan says "Hey, are you feeling down? Help her get her feet back on the ground!" He's so witty...
Oct 15 2010, on prayer
Logan: Mom, when you see God can you tell him the sun is really too bright?
Me: What do you want him to do about it?
Logan: Turn it down!
Me: Well, God made sunglasses so you can just wear those.
Logan: No, the men at the sunglesses factory made them. Can you please just ask?
Sometimes preschool is very enlightening!
Me: Hey Logan! Look, a butterfly!
Logan: Mom. That is a compound word. Butter and Fly. Did you know that? A compound word is when you take two words that are totally different and put'em together to make a word. BUTTERFLY!!
In other preschool news, Logan is "not the trouble maker in class and hasn't been a trouble maker for years.. but a kid named Ethan is"
Why spelling is important..
Logan informed me that he can't be my son because he "isn't THAT bright!" I had to write down Son and Sun and show him the difference.
For some reason, I lost a few months of quotes. When I find them, I'll fill you in...
June 11, 2011, in general
I hate Barney
June 14, 2011, father daughter bonding
Loopy is playing Kendal some guitar so she will fall asleep. Its not working cause she is saying WOO HOOO cause she loves a good concert. But its sweet anyway
Later that night....
I'm gonna get a nephew tomorrow! Good luck to Jeffy and Sarah. On a side note, the father daughter serenade didn't work. She is standing next to me eating a cracker. I am not sure where she got it.
June 16, 2011, a typical day
3:00 crazies (that special time of day all SAHMs love) got here early today. Wonderful. Its too hot to play outside. But on a positive note, my laptop is still working after Kendal threw it across the tile floor when she was mad at me. It even dislodged the crumb from under the letter p.
June 30, 2011, early addictions and 2yr olds
Kendal went and got a sippy cup then threw a tantrum when I wouldn't fill it with coffee. She ran in her room crying and slammed the door
later that day....
Watching Kendal do somersaults off the ottoman. You know how they say "she'll only do it once" when a kid is about to do something dangerous? That is not true. And Logan just asked me if I'd like to feel his teeth. Um, NO? I think the rainy weather is starting to get to them.
July 20, 2011, the 5yr old imagination
Playing in the sprinkler in the front yard.
Logan: Lets pretend the water is bleach!
Go ahead kids, play in the bleach fountain.
July 28, 2011, nostalgia
Logan just asked to watch Powerpuff girls. I heart this kid and I am thankful for Boomerang on demand
August 14, 2011, 2:23am
Kendal just woke up from what she apparently thought was a very good nap
August 19, 201, nerdiness is hereditary
Logan is reading Wii game manuals. His nerdiness would make his dad proud. The fact that he is comprehending a manual makes me both proud and worried
August 25, 2011, predicting the future
This morning Logan cried and threw a fit. He wanted to stay home and play LEGO Star Wars on the Wii. So begins the next 13 yrs of our lives.
August 29, 2011, Blue's Clues is educational, right?
Logan: Whoa, that car just ran a red light! That driver's gonna be like "I just got a letter, I just got a letter, I just got a letter! Wonder who its from!?" Oh crap, its a ticket from when I ran that red light.
September 7, 2011, rough day
This morning Logan told me it will be a rough day cause his socks are on the wrong feet
September 8, 2011, relocating with kids
Kids rooms done. Office done. Kitchen is a mess, our room is a mess, living room is a mess, Apparently "packing to move" translates to "dump everything you own on the floor and scatter it" in 2yr old speak.
September 12, 2011, a future in directing?
Logan: Mom, why doesn't Charlie and the Chocolate Factory have bloopers?
Me: like what?
Logan: Like when Charlie Bucket is adding ingredients in class and it doesn't blow up, he has to add more and more and more.. then it EXPLODES! OR when Willy Wonka says "OPEN THE GATES" they just don't. OR when he says "UP AND OUT" in the great glass elevator they don't break thru, they just bump the ceiling and fall down. Then Willy Wonka would say "oh crap".
September 19, 2011, 2yr old on cleaning
Dear 2yr old, If you can't get the movies to fit into the dvd book, ask for help. Although I appreciate you wanting to clean up after yourself, breaking the movies in half so they would fit, although effective, wasn't the best plan.
September 27, 2011 8:30pm
Kendal has been sleeping since 5:30 and refuses to wake up. Its gonna be a long night. I think she's still a little sickly. Poor baby, exhausted mommy. Logan however is brushing his teeth while wearing a ski hat with pom pom horns and giggling to himself. This has been going on for some time.
September 28, 2011, sigh
5yr old pranks: Logan took 3 days worth of wet newspapers from the driveway and stuck them all over my car
October 24, 2011, they can't all be great
Today Logan decided that he wanted the training wheels off his bike. We spent the morning and most of the afternoon practicing in the yard. Then he got in trouble and got his bike privileges revoked for the rest of the day. Bummer for him. In other news, Kendal likes to tip things over to see how loud they can be. Chairs, Tables, drums, $2000 guitars... (I caught that one from across the room) Little frustrated with parenthood today and I would like a nap.
November 5, 2011, childhood trauma
Went to the festivities in Flagler tonight and I told Logan he could go play on the blow up obstacle coarse. He was gone for about 10min and I went to get him. Turns out he needed $1 to play and ran off to find us. In the wrong direction. I found him a couple minutes later with a group of EMTs sobbing uncontrollably. He swore he'd NEVER leave me again and hung on me like a monkey for 20mins. Disaster was averted and we ended up having a good time. I'll be hearing about this one for a LONG time.
November 7, 2011, a word of advice
To all the other parents who were told to ignore a tantrum.. Its a good idea to look over once in a while to see if everything is ok. Logan and Kendal were fighting and Logan ran into the playroom and shut the door. Kendal went into tantrum mode. I ignored her for 3 or 4 minutes, looked over at her and her face and hands were covered in blood. She bit her lip when she threw herself to the floor. She is ok, but that was messy, but certainly added to the 'poor me' effect.
November 8, 2011, dinner conversations/random thoughts
Logan: Sorry that took so long, I was licking the wall because my pizza rolls were too spicy. Then I had to find my nutcracker
Logan: Dad, you should take your glasses off when you shave because that would be easier.
Logan: I know about everything. Well, almost. Why do they call that stuff Knick Knacks? I will have to ask Mrs. Seguine because she's a teacher and knows everything.
November 10, 2011, surname
Logan knows how to spell our last name. (Wroblewski) All 10 letters, even the silent ones. Not sure when he figured that out but yay. I figured he was going to be Logan W. forever.
November 15, 2011, progress, sort of
So I was giving Logan a bath and Kendal said she wanted to sit on the potty. So she got right up there and peed. I haven't started 'potty training' yet. We still need to work on wiping. She thinks the toilet paper is to wipe her nose, then her knees, then she drops it in. I am not allowed to help. Hooray for progress!
side note, 8 months later and she regressed back to diapers. again, don't judge me.
November 25, 2011, a typical thanksgiving
Logan is crashing cars all over the living room while Loopy is blasting circus music. I don't get nearly enough sleep. More coffee please.
November 29, 2011, in general
This day calls for another pot of coffee
December 6, 2011, what 5yr olds think about and how to fix a boo booOn the way home from school
Logan: A pregnant fire-woman can't go down the fire pole cause it would squish the baby. She would have to use the stairs. And if it was time to have the baby she would be in the right place! Because they could just take her to the hospital in the ambulance.
Me: Did you talk about that in school or something?
Logan: no, just something I've been thinking about...
In other news, Kendal just scraped the bottom of her foot running over a toy. The band aid on her big toe (of the opposite foot) makes it "all better, thanks"
December 7, 2011, what 5 yr olds think about part 2
On the way home from school
Logan: (out of nowhere) WE CAN USE CARROTS!!!
Logan: To hang our stockings! We can put some glue on them and stick em to the wall and hang the stocking from them. Wait, remember at the parade when someone put a stocking on my finger? (that did happen) We can drill a hole in the wall and put a finger thru it and hang the stockings on those!
Me: Carrots won't work?
Logan: no, they would just keep falling down and make us frustrated.
Me: whose finger are you going to use?
Logan:(after much consideration) We can go to heaven and use fingers from people who already died, cause they aren't usin' em! Then we can come back with the fingers and use those.
Me: gross dude.
Logan: ok, plan c. We just go to the Home Depot and get stocking holders, drill a hole in the wall and use those.
later that day.....
Kendal has not eaten fresh fruit for more than a year. She asked for blueberries at the grocery store and the whole pint is almost gone already. YAY!! That was a looooong phase.
(side note, she is off fruit again)
December 9, 2011, lack of imagination
Just got our Elf on the Shelf from Santa. Her name is Pippi. Logan has SO many questions about the logistics of an elf that can go back to Santa every night, why touching it will make its magic go away and how it can be alive when it looks like a decoration.
December 13, 2011, looking to the future and infinant wisdom
Logan: when will I go to high school?
Me: 8 1/2 years
Logan: That's a long time. Wait, that will mean I'm 14? Is that time for puberty?
Me: probably, why?
Logan: I can't wait for puberty so I can make armpit farts. I'm gonna be great at that!
later that day....
Logan: Here's how you count by 100's. 100. Thats what grandpa taught me.
December 16, 2011, Doctors and parenting
Logan got his throat swabbed for strep at the Dr. office today. (positive again) He told the nurse "Hey! you poked my uvula!" He also informed the Dr. that his Cochlea (inner ear) is bothering him. Dr Tui wants him for an intern.
later that day...
This kid cracks me up. Last week we watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail (honestly, only like a 1/2 hour of it) and now Logan is walking around the house with a wagon chanting 'bring out your dead' He is so excited that dad is acting it out with him. 'I'm not dead yet, I think I'll go for a walk" Oh and today he told me that I look like and Angel when I smile at him and sound like an Angel when I sing (not true) Some one is trying to impress Santa in the home stretch.
December 25, 2011, Christmas day
Nice calm Christmas so far. Kendal is taking a Benedryl nap (she spent the night with a mosquito) and Logan is bouncing around the house on his new ball. This just in: an AC Air Hogs Helicopter, although awesome, will change the channels on the tv. So much for watching Christmas Story.
December 30, 2011, exception to the rule
After constructing a gun holster for the top of Logan's toy ambulance
Loopy: Legos can be used to fix just about problem.
Logan, without missing a beat: Except leaky pipes