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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Sometimes this is hard

Parenting isn't always easy. 

Most people will say "yeah, obviously things aren't always snuggles and squeals of laughter." But there is more to it than just regular parental frustrations and patience testers. Its more than having too much to do all day every day while raising respectful and well behaved small people. There are times when they will throw you for a loop and do a complete 180. There are times when we are just at a loss for what to do. 

Here's what I mean

For 6 years I had a mostly well behaved sweet caring boy that occasionally needed redirection or maybe a little discipline to keep him in line. He still is a smart, sensitive loving boy that lives for hugs and kisses and cuddles. That hasn't changed. What HAS changed is his serious lack of impulse control.


We can get into a rough house tickle fight and he is laughing and happy. Then he gets TOO rowdy meaning he starts smacking or hurting you instead of being silly. Then in that excited state he doesn't calm down or listen when asked to stop. It has been that way for a long time. I don't like being hesitant to laugh and play with my kid because there is a good chance it will go down hill. 


Our more recent and serious issue is uncontrolled frustration that leads to screaming, crying and acting out. If something (ANYTHING) doesn't go the way he anticipated it is seemingly impossible for him to accept that. Instead of telling us what the problem is he stands there and yells. Sometimes "STOP IT" or "MOOOOOM" OR just yelling incoherent words. Talking won't calm him. Reason won't calm him. Sending him to his room will eventually calm him but not until it gets MUCH louder. This happened his first day at the new school because he thought the teacher would introduce everyone in the class. She did not because that is not her style. She has been teaching for 27 years. I am not going to argue with her method. He cried loudly for 2 hours and was sent to the guidance counselor. What am I supposed to tell the school when they call me? That is just an example. The frustration fueled freak outs happen daily for various reasons.. 

Just take a dang shower!!

He had been playing in the pool yesterday (more on that in a minute) and was itchy this morning. When we got home from school he was playing in the sprinkler and frankly, he needed a shower. He yelled "I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A SHOWER" right away. I asked him politely again to get upstairs and clean up because he is covered in grass and dirt and bugs. He instantly and loudly argued that there ARE no bugs on him (more on that later) ALL the way upstairs until he was in the bathroom STILL hollering that he didn't want to. I went up to talk to him (trying SO hard not to yell back and be a good Orange Rhino) and turn it on for him. He was trying to tell me he would just rinse off in the sink or take a shower later (in a loud whiny voice) I told him "no. Get in the shower now or you won't have LEGOs when you are done" So he relented by slamming the door. Now he is in there singing away. I hate having to threaten every time.Why won't he just listen? 

Please just agree...

It doesn't matter what the subject matter is, Logan is going to argue.
Me: Hey, your feet are dirty, please rinse them off 
Logan: No they aren't.
Me: Yes, I can see the mud on them, please go wash up 
(I have to take a few deep breaths and not whoop is ass at this point) I always win, don't get me wrong. I follow through with consequences. I hate the arguing. 

Kendal: This is my friend Birdie
Logan: No it's not, its just a hair clip. 
She is upset because she is just pretending because she is 3. He is mad because its not going the way HE thinks it should. 

Loopy: Logan do you know where the remote went because you had it last. 
Logan: No I didn't.
Loopy: You were just holding it! help me find it. 
Logan: I was not. 
Loopy. It's right here next to your hand!

This is new..

We were at a pool at a nice resort where my brother was staying for a conference yesterday. Logan was playing by himself and jumping off a little pylon with a pool noodle. No biggie. I was watching him and once I saw him pop an older guy on the head a couple times. I told him to stop, figuring that he thought it was Uncle Jeffy or Grandpa or something. I went on playing with Kendal on the kiddie pool end. When I looked up again this family was staring at me like I had 2 heads. I waved and saw Logan still playing. Few minutes later this woman comes up to me PISSED OFF and asked if that was my kid. I said yes, why? She told me he keeps hitting her 67yr old mother in the face with a pool noodle. I was a little dumbfounded. That is hard to do by mistake. When he hit the older guy it was certainly deliberate. I apologized and called Logan over. Asked him if he was hitting old people in the face with pool toys. Of coarse he denied it. I sort of believed him because it is out of character for him to mess with strangers and not be respectful. I was caught off guard.  I took his noodle away and gave him a warning. He continued to jump and splash RIGHT next to them even after I went out to play with him and keep a close eye on the situation. I reminded him to watch for people around him ect and eventually the other family moved to the other end of the enormous pool to give us the stink eye. He wasn't being obnoxious while I was with him, just playing. What should I have done?


I asked him later if he was hitting strangers in the pool with the noodle. He said no twice and finally admitted to it but said it was an accident. After more questions he said it was on purpose (I told him there is security footage I can go watch.. gets him every time) I asked if they told him to stop. He said no.. then changed his story. I calmly told him to get changed into his clothes and pack up his pool toys and bathing suit. No more pool for him this week and right to bed when he gets home was the punishment. Of coarse his response was "FINE!! I DON'T EVEN CARE". He will later when he is wearing clothes at the pool and the rest of us are in the water. When he was leaving with Loopy later he said its not fair. We explained WHY its fair and he started yelling and crying again. Do I really need to explain why what you did was so wrong?

So now what? 

How am I supposed to get my sweet agreeable boy back? I am not a fan of spanking. It happens from time to time but it doesn't work for him. It escalates the situation. He needs to calm down and tell me what the problem is and come to a resolution. I can pop Kendal on the butt to get her attention and she's good to go. I can't sit him down and have a serious conversation because he will stop paying attention and ask if he can please go play now, which is also boarderline rude but I can't tell him NOT to ask me if we are done talking, that means he is letting me know he has reached his limit without yelling or getting up and walking away. *sigh

Does it get easier?

I am for real open to suggestions here. There are a lot of changes with a new school, new house, and neighborhood but he insists he's happy and ok with it and having new friends. My friend Susan said Nick (Logan's best friend) was the same way when they moved to FL from GA a couple years ago. She tells me to have a glass of wine and wait it out. (I am now drinking a glass of wine, they are in bed) This too shall pass in a few months. I hope this phase passes quickly because it freakin' sucks!  

Earlier we agreed that if he raises his voice at someone he will go sit in the corner for one minute, take deep breaths, and regroup (more serious offenses get time out upstairs or grounding in his room) We'll see how that goes. 

Any other ideas? 

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